Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
