He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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