I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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