Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
