Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
