i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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