she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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