i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
