you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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