I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
