So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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