Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize