just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
