did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
