you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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