Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
