..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Randomize
