A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
