I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
