hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
