she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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