Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
