Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Randomize
