My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
