I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
