oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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