im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize