On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
