if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
