The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
