dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
