dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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