He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
