yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
