to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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