Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
