Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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