I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
