smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My pussy is not your playground.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
