Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have so many feelings about this burrito
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
