I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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