when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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