She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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