I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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