I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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