We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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