That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize