drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
her facebook's as public as her vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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