this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
