We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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