I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
