Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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