well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
