We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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