i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she peed on how many people?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
