In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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