I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
