The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize