apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
