I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
