you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
