She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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