I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
