Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
