she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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