we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
