Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
