I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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