I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
